What It Feels Like Applying For Jobs Right Now

I'm applying to jobs right now, and jobs posts usually say something at the top like, "To keep the process as fair and authentic as possible, please avoid using generative AI tools."

And I go, "Okay, that sounds good. I'm used to writing my own stuff. I can do that."

Then I read the rest of the job post, and the entire thing sounds like it was spit out by Chat GPT.

"We’re seeking a passionate, results-driven self-starter to drive meaningful impact in a fast-paced environment."

What the fuck does that even mean?

There was even one post where they asked me not to use AI to apply, and later in the post it said, "We may use AI as part of the selection process."

So you don't want me to use the thing, but you can pull out the same thing at any time to use it against me?

That’s like if a Samurai challenged you to a duel and said, “Out of respect for the ancient traditions, please leave your sword at home.”

So you practice your moves and show up with just your human hands, and he’s standing there sharpening a katana.

And you're like “Whoa, I thought we weren’t using swords!”

And he goes, “YOU aren’t using swords. WE may use swords as part of the process.”

Then he slices your arm off, you're spurting blood all over the wall, screaming...

“We sincerely appreciate your interest in joining our team. Unfortunately, we’re looking for someone a little more hands-on.”

Then he hacks my other arm off.

"But we encourage you to stay connected with us for potential future Samurai opportunities."

I'm just standing there with bloody shoulder nubs watching my arms twitch on the ground. "What the fuck? I spent five hours learning how to fight without a sword because you asked me to!"

The samurai's just looking at me through a stretched smile and dead eyes.

"Thank you once again for considering a role with us. We wish you the best of luck in your professional growth."

That's what it's like looking for a job today.

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