“Reply No Thanks And I’ll Stop”: A Masterclass in Unhinged Communication
Corporate America has normalized a style of communication that would get you fed a restraining order in the real world. We accept things in our work inbox every single day that, if sent via text, would make you sound like a certified sociopath.
One of my favorites right now is getting an email from the same person for the fourth time trying to sell me software I don’t need, and at the very bottom, they write, “reply ‘no thanks,’ and I’ll stop.”
Reply “no thanks” and I’ll stop?
Could you imagine sending that to someone in an iMessage?
“Hey Sarah, I know this is the fifth time I’m texting you with no response, but I just wanted to say I really felt a connection the other night. If you’d rather not hear from me, reply ‘no thanks,’ and I’ll stop.”
“Hi Bob, I’m currently using my leaf blower at 6:30 AM on a Sunday directly outside your bedroom window to move a single autumn leaf across the driveway. If this is bothering you in any way, reply ‘no thanks,’ and I’ll stop.”
“Folks, this is your captain texting. I was thinking about spicing up this descent into Newark by attempting a barrel roll in this commercial Boeing 737. If you’d prefer to arrive with your internal organs in their original arrangement, reply ‘no thanks,’ and I’ll stop.”
Putting the burden of reply on the person you are actively bothering is CRAZY work.
I don’t care what the Fortune 500 sales manual says, that is a psychotic way to message a human being.
I’ve heard people say CEO positions attract sociopaths, I think it’s the other way around. I think if you stay in the corporate environment long enough, it just turns you into one.
Like coal mines don’t attract guys with black lungs. But if you sit down there suffocating for sixty hours a week on corporate dust, eventually your insides are gonna match the walls.
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