**Traver Boehm: F*cking Them With Words, Embracing The Man Uncivilized, And Lessons Learned From Jiu-Jitsu**

Today on Auxoro, I speak with Traver Boehm, “an author, speaker, and founder of the Man Uncivilized Movement, inspiring millions of men to shift their experience of masculinity by combining the Primal Masculine and the Divine Masculine.

Fresh off of the release of his book, entitled Man Uncivilized, Traver and I dive into the meaning behind the mantra “Fuck them with words,” lessons that Traver has learned from jiu-jitsu, redefining what it means to be masculine, the importance of going therapy, crafting a life full of “dope shit,” and more.

Here are a few highlights from the conversation:

Living in the house in Costa Rica (3:15)

The surge in self-development men’s workshops (5:00)

“I have a friend whose Dad went to a personal development workshop that was primarily women, and in the intro, within the first half-hour of the workshop, a woman stood up and said ‘I’m not comfortable with him being here as a man.’” (7:00)

“Fuck them with words.” - (8:00)

“I want anybody who read something I’ve written or is affected by a live performance to not really be sure what happened. Did they get punched in the face? Did they get fucked? I want them to get moved in some capacity. I want the opening sentence of every article I write to make the reader feel like they just got slapped across the face. Then, I got you.” (9:30)

Traver sitting in darkness for 28 days straight (14:00)

“Close your eyes. Now, squeeze them closed. Now put your hand over your eyes, then put the other hand over them. Imagine that’s your reality for the next month.” (15:30)

“There’s a transformation that’s only going to come through pain. Pain is an alchemizing substance that changes us, transforms us.” (21:00)

“Jiu-jitsu teaches you more than how to use your body, how to use angles, and how to submit people. It teaches you how to manage discomfort.” (21:45)

“Heartbreak is this awful experience that we encounter. Yet, how many people have had a divorce, go through a breakup, then radically shift their lives in ways that are far more authentic, holistic, and valuable for who they are in the long run. They look back on that period of pain and are grateful for the heartbreak. It becomes the fuel to transform my life in ways that I couldn’t without that fuel.” (22:30)

“Heartbreak walks us down a path that is so fraught with challenge, but so ripe with opportunity.” (25:50)

The importance of going to therapy (29:00)

Traver’s entrance into jiu-jitsu (35:00)

“If the ground is this brutal, this technical, and this interesting, why don’t I isolate the ground element and start studying jiu-jitsu. Show me another activity in life where for the first 6 months, perhaps, you never win.” (36:45)

“Imagine walking down the street in life after learning jiu-jitsu. It doesn’t matter - a business meeting, entrepreneurship, starting a podcast - and you have all of this experience of constantly working with a force that is against you. That’s in your back pocket. It’s in your DNA. It’s in your body.” (38:00)

Lifting weights and practicing jiu-jitsu (44:00)

“Ask yourself after the first week of jiujitsu: How many of these people did I lose to that are stronger than me?” (48:00)

“My life is dope and I do dope shit” - Kanye West (53:00)

Planning out adventurous things in your life and making adventure a part of you (54:30)

“Do you love your life? If the answer is no, what are you going to do about it? If you want to have a more cool life, you have to do more cool shit. I asked myself the question: How can I do more dope shit this year? And how can I do it while serving other people?” (55:00)

Walking across Portugal with Dr. Jeremy Goldberg (59:00)

Comedians on the Joe Rogan Podcast (1:01:00)

“You’d got to be willing to go through the shit.” (1:05:00)

Penn (of Penn & Teller) Journaling Habits (1:08:00)

Who is the Man Uncivilized? A blend of the primal and the divine masculine (1:08:00)

Taking control of your dating life as a man (1:21:00)

“The uncivilized man is not needy. He is self-regulated and self-reliant. He’s got brotherhood, comradery, and he is interested in the world.” (1:22:30)

“He with the least power has the most need.” (1:25:30)

“Create real relationships so when that person comes into your life, you say hey, there’s space for you here. I would love to have you be a part of my life, but you’re not going to be my whole life.” (1:28:00)

The story behind the Uncivilized Six (1:29:00)

Some Things and People Mentioned In The Conversation:

Listen and Learn:

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