PORN STARS DESERVE TO GET D1 ATHLETIC SCHOLARSHIPS: An Adriana Chechik Moment | One TAKE
Written by Zach Grossfeld
This morning, I performed my ritual, one of my favorite parts of the day: washing the dishes while listening to a podcast. The episode of choice today was 2 Bears 1 Cave (hosted by comedians Bert Kreisher and Tom Segura) featuring as a guest the famous porn star Adriana Chechik. Whether you're a regular watcher of porn or a casual observer, chances are that at some point after opening your incognito tab and typing "P...O…" you've come across the work of Miss Chechik. She's a rockstar in the world of rocking cock.
During this episode on 2 Bears 1 Cave, Adriana started diving into aspects of the porn industry that have never crossed my mind. One aspect in particular she spoke about was the peak physical conditioning required of pornstars and that she considers herself a "sexual athlete."
When I watch porn (and what I suspect most guys do when they watch porn), I browse through about twenty-seven videos before I find the perfect one, skip to the part that turns me on the most, start stroking gently which quickly approaches the ferocity of a silverback gorilla, get what I need, and then move on.
The thing that almost never strikes me during a beat sesh is the absolute strength, mobility, and mental toughness needed to hold the most difficult of positions; sexual athletes indeed. Adriana mentions that she injured her neck while performing fellatio in a gang bang in the pile driver position. She executed this move so much and so well on camera that she became known for this position being one of her "specialties."
For those of you thinking that I must have mistyped and that there's no way someone could give head in the pile driver position, I invite you to open an incognito tab and do your own research.
Adriana also mentions that she often starts preparing her body physically and mentally for a gang bang three to five days before, and that "when you get done with a gang bang, no matter how much stretching you've done before it, you feel like you were in a car accident at 20 mph."
Much like a defensive lineman does after taking a thrashing up and down the football field for three hours, Adriana hops into the cold tub to relieve the inflammation caused by her insides getting thrashed to pieces by multiple cocks.
On set four to five times per week, Adriana endures physical acts that most top athletes couldn't endure for more than thirty seconds before phoning their mommy.
As a former D1 athlete (now fully washed up) who got a small scholarship to play baseball, I'm listening to this conversation with Adriana Chechik thinking "Holy shit! I got a 25% scholarship to throw a ball a few times a week and endure moderate elbow pain, and this bitch is taking a plethora of cocks into all of her holes at the same time effectively forming an air-tight seal and there's no scholarship for being a porn star?!? An athletic director needs to get on the phone right now and GET THESE GIRLS A FULL RIDE!"
I don't care what you do. If you get your body in peak physical condition, perform when the lights come down, and garner a large audience to watch you do it, you should get the experience of getting the red carpet rolled out to you by dozens of colleges who want you to play for them.
Top porn stars and top college athletes are cut from a similar cloth.
Now with the new NCAA rules allowing college athletes to get paid, porn stars would be allowed to accept sponsorships on top of their scholarships. Nothing would make me happier than to walk into a Subway next to the University of Florida's campus and see the 'Adriana Chechik Meatlover's Gang Bang' on full display.
I'll take a foot long please, extra Chipotle sauce.
Also, top football and basketball schools have to hide the fact that their number one recruiting tactic is making sure the top recruits get laid by the hottest girls on campus during their visit. If porn stars were also on scholarship at these schools, coaches could openly advertise the fact that girls like Adriana Chechik would be happy to "show them around campus" and get paid to do so.
The NCAA gives out scholarships for water polo. WATER POLO! Who the fuck watches water polo? When's the last time you turned on your TV and said to yourself, "God I can't wait to see if I chose my water polo bracket correctly!"
I don't even know what water polo is. Is it horses? Is it water? Why do the caps they wear look like WWII-era pilot helmets?
We have people treading their way in water to a free education while aspiring porn stars have no other choice but to start an Only Fans and hope for the best.
You know what would make for a good bracket? The Final Four Gang Bang. The four best collegiate porn stars literally banging it out on the national stage until one remains standing.
And while they’re at it, the NCAA should bring back the video game series but this time make one for the porn athletes. You could create your own porn star, bang other players online, do group mode, and every time you turn on the game you’d hear “EA Sports, It’s in the ass, sometimes.”
I don't want to live in an America where you put your body, mind, and holes on the line and don't get a shot at a good education.
If this was 2014 and my Athletic Director called me into his office and said, "Son, we have to decrease your baseball scholarship because of the new rule, Title LXIX (69), which states that each campus must provide an equal opportunity for all athletes to be compensated. Porn stars are athletes, and we're starting a porn team," I'd salute my athletic director and tell him, "Anything you need me to do to make our new team feel welcome on campus, I'm your man."
If I got afforded a quality education because of my decent ability to throw a baseball, then by God anyone who takes a barrage of cock to face and turns that into an art form deserves a degree in my book.
That's the America I want to live in.
If you can take it in the A-S-S then you sure as hell deserve a shot in the A-C-C.
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